im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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