well I can't set my house on fire every night
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
