Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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