did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
