I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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