I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
