everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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