Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
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You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
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I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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