Tell her she can't have a vagina
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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