soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
