Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
