What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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