The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
