At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
two words...techno handjob
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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