i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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