I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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