I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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