I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
