So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
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The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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