I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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