he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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