you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
