So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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