i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
