Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
