the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
