I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
