The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
