my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
