Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
