I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
