I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
