a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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