I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
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Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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