I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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