also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
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Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize