i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
