She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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