I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
