It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
