You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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