It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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