Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize