I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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