On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
