what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
