Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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