took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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