dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
