I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
