Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
