I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
