Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
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If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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