Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
