I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
