dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
