Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
