I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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