So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
