dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
