He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
that's an acceptable place to lick
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
