Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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