so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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