Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Semen is not good for contacts.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
