ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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