Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
