i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
