RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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