Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
