Where did you get a picture of my penis
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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