you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
