wat bout pragnant strippers??
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
