She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
