Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
