i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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