I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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