There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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