This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
