Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
