i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
