yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
